Traveling out of the sunless heart of the sunshine state, my journey to the desert had begun as a heated lie. Indio was the the place and the event was Coachella. Weather day 1 was a cold bitch and the haze was only felt by the clouds. The general public was prude to the chance of enlightenment. I felt a change. What was happening to Coachella? What was happening to music festivals?
Day 1 (and 3) are the “all in” drug days when it comes to the psychedelic favorites. This year, day 1 seemed stale. Weed had won without the sun and the new generation had spoken. Hard drugs had fallen with the “Daisy Kids,” but that didn’t stop the 1% majority from resisting the sub-genre mess that is Coachella.
First off, Where are the boobs? Even when I was eight I would average 21 boobs a concert (Highlight: my mother brought me to Kid Rock thinking it was Kids Rock). Bring back the thrill of girls wanting to show their titties.
Flashing 1962-2012 (RIP).
Second, this Native American head dress shit needs to stop. We killed them. That shit is racist hipster bitch.
Third, the first day was freezing and still girls rocked the predictable crocheted crop-top and shorts. I’ll let the Googling “what to wear to Coachella 2012″ slide, but at least check the weather while you’re at it.
Side note: The creativity involved in spotting your parties sherpa was alluring. Stormtrooper helmets, Lindsay Lohan puking glow-sticks, and the balloon brothers, “Marcus” and “Colby,” whom I believe were of different parties, yet had matching orange balloons high in the sky.
So this is where my music rant begins. Day one weather was shitty, which actually made it nice to watch bands during the day. Jimmy Cliff wasn’t happy though as he failed to provide a “bright, bright, sun shiny day” and appeared to have gotten upset with his drummer because of it. Stay on beat kids.
Swedish House Mafia sucks. As three individual talents, amazing, but rooting for their recordings on stage is not a live performance; it’s an event. How dynamic can DJing really be for three people? The laser show was fucking awesome though.
Justice proved it was difficult to perform as they failed during their live set. Childish “I have a broken foot and I’m still jumping” Gambino had a huge crowd at the main stage and made some vulgar and comical points about actors turned rappers and asian chicks.
ASAP Rocky had the best transition I have ever seen. Rocky dropped the lights for “Purple Swag,” and later asked the crowd if anyone had one rolled for him. Objects got tossed on stage and Rocky picked up a bag of cocaine – gave an “Oh shit!” and tossed it backstage (brownie points), while he chanted “Coke and White Bitches” before transitioning into a set change of “Get Lit.” Kudos. Jasper of OFWGKTA showed his dumb ass at that show too. Got me laughing though… the kid is a mess.
I am in love with Martina Sorbara from Dragonette. Never heard her before. Strong stage presence and she is damn fine – Go Blue Jays!
Godspeed you! Black Emperor was like going to church: Not too many people showed up, beautiful music, some yawning, and it felt rude to leave early.
Sound in the Mojave tent sucked. Sorry M83.
I saw Gotye. I left.
Black Keys were very good – really.
My favorite show was hands down the Black Lips though. They didn’t give a fuck. High energy, great mosh pit, nudity… the dudes go hard on drugs and rock like they fucked your sister – Don’t call them friends.
I salut the first person who starts dancing to Dubstep. That shit is difficult to figure out.
AVICII (is he really 20!?) had the coolest stage I’ve ever seen. Giant head with great visual 3D projection. He has a stadium tour coming up so if you listen to him, you should get a ticket. It’s going to be amazing. DJ Shadow also had a pretty cool set up. Dude was in a sphere center stage that had some pretty cool 3D projections on it as well. It was his third Coachella too. Zach De La Rocha (Rage Against the Machine) even showed up to celebrate.
As for the rest of the DJ’s, fuck you for hyping songs by Coachella performers. I understand that’s how you make your living, but quit milking it like that. I heard Florence and the Machine and Gotye on repeat all weekend while drinking beers near the Sahara tent. Terrible.
Then there was the finale with Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre. I loved how high everyone was getting (thanks Cali) and Wiz Khalifa killed it, but fuck the “Street King.” I hate 50 Cent. Eminem was alright. I was also very fucked up at this time…
Now I am a fan of the classics, but there is nothing classic about a hologram. Right Obi-Wan Kenobi? I mean Theon Greyjoy of Game of Thrones said “what is dead may never die,” but I don’t think Tupac was the kind of black magic he had in mind. I even heard plenty of kids after the show ask, “Which one was Tupac?” Painful. Dr. Dre should be ashamed. I love technology, but Tupac yelling out “What the fuck is up, Coachella?” for the first time ever. Fuck off.
Whitney, you’re next – after the MJ show in Japan of course.
Porn would be cool though…
All in all, the week was a success. Coachella is a great venue. I had a blast, ran into a bunch of friends, got some photos, drank some beers and look forward to hearing how weekend 2 goes. Drug you later.
Photos from Tomorrow’s Hangover | Coachella photo updates day this week
